Silvery grass now crisp underfoot in the morning air. Hot clouds of breath from the boy at my side.
With no overcoat, this child, unshod and raggedy, appears a plaything too old, worn, forgotten.
I glance down. Soon, all will be finished.
Walking further, the boy stumbles, his toe hits a rock. I hear the anguish escape his blue lips. He whimpers.
Underneath matted hair, a single tear falls.
We reach the glassy edge of the stream.
He does not struggle as I plunge his head into the frigid water.
His life trickling away in its flow.
It is done.
This is a very very chilling story.. all I am screaming is why…why?
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🙂 Deliberately left ambiguous. Well, the word limit doesn’t leave much room, but I may expand. Thank you
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Dear Jodhi,
First welcome to Friday Fictioneers.
Your story left me breathless. Using the POV of a coldblooded killer is quite effective.
I hope to read more from you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Hoping to use these prompts to get me in the swing of writing properly (again). Interesting you see the killer as coldblooded – in my head they are not. Will see where else I can take this…..
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Darrrrrk.
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Cheers 🙂
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Oh that made me gasp!
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Thank you – just the reaction I was after! 🙂
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This cuts to the bone, I can feel that ice-cold water.
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Thank you very much 🙂
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Well described, chillingly told. Well done.
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Thank you 🙂
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If you could see the expression on my face when I finished reading, I know you’d be pleased that your story achieved what you wanted. Reminds me of the (seeming) spate of parents-killing-children stories of the last several years. Welcome and well done!
janet
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Thank you very much 😃
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Utterly chilling. Well done!
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Thank you 🙂
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Dear Jodhi,
Welcome to the party, pal.
A great opening piece, full of mystery and madness, death and the feeling of a promise kept. Very well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks 😃
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Excellent writing. I believe you achieved the afffect you aimed for – a punch in the gut and white faced. Chilling.
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Thanks 😃
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Welcome to the party! I like the unusual POV you took here; something felt not-quite-right from the beginning – the tone was well-matched to your protagonist.
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Thank you 😃
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Wow, this is a dangerous bridge this week. I love- hate this story. Well done.
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Thank you
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This really tugs at the heartstrings, sounds like desperate times for all involved. Well told
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Thanks 🙂
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Cold! Like the ice in the picture. The contrast between the beauty of the frost and the cold, cruel deed is especially painful. Great story.
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Thank you 🙂
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Wao, it made me wish I could get in there and stop this cruelty from happening!
Great work, and welcome to Friday Fictioneers!
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Thank you 🙂
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Oh, this seems so heartless. I want to stop this story and turn it around. Let him live. Well done!
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Sorry! The boy is definitely dead! Thanks 🙂
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Oh, I’m gasping. What a tragic scene – I want to know who they are and why it’s happening.
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Stay tuned, I plan to expand this 🙂 Thank you
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Yes, you painted a chilling image leaving lots to the imagination! Nicely done.
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Thank you 🙂
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a bit unnerving
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Thank you 🙂 This was the response I was going for!
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Your story shows that such a peacful and beautiful place could be the setting for a chilling murder…and no one would know….
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Thank you 🙂
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I love dark storytelling. Great job. I especially like the contrast of the hurt toe making him cry and not struggling when he drowns – it’s a great view of childhood ignorance.
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Hadn’t actually considered the contrast, but yes, thanks for the insight. Glad you liked it 🙂
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Indeed. Sometimes what is unintended in writing speaks the most truth from the author.
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Gulp! Well that was dark, remind me never to go for a stroll with you! 🙂
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Ha! Thanks 🙂
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So sad. Perhaps it was a mercy killing rather than a slow painful death from frost-bite and gangrene, starvation and all the rest. Perhaps the final walk to the stream had sapped the boy of what struggle he had left. He’d shed his last tear over his toe.
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Perhaps…..
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Cruel, cruel. Too cruel!
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Yes, but necessary. Watch this space 🙂
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Wow! Definitely a bit of a sharp turn there and reading through the comments exactly what i imagine you were hoping for. Have a whole bunch of people wanting to know more which makes it a very effective piece of writing i would say.
Well done
love brett fish
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Thanks 🙂
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This is cold through and through. Well done.
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Thank you
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