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A Prompt Made Personal

This is the prompt I have chosen to use for this task.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/howl-at-the-moon/

Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness – Allen Ginsberg

tumblr_static_wolf-howl   index

Wolves are some of the most gorgeous creatures on this planet. Truly wild, fierce, incredibly strong, tenacious animals, yet tender, protecting their pack and giving their life for their young. A mother wolf is simultaneously one of the most beautiful and most fearsome mammals on this earth. Oh, to be her.

As a girl, I hid my madness/wolfish-ness. A couple of years ago, I finally decided to let it show. I felt trapped as a child and always believed myself to be an introvert. I now realise that this was the Christian ethos being forced upon me – as a woman, to be demure, mild, ‘safe’. Well, it’s all gone to hell now, and I imagine I might also, if there even is such a thing.

I have been reading ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. This book explains that women have largely been stifled as a sex, and that there is a wildness in all of us that desires to be allowed to run free. There are many stories in the book to allow us to understand what that means for us, individually. I really do recommend it!

Anyway, this, amongst other things, has made me see that I was kidding myself for, like, 30 whole years. My life had got progressively shitter, so I just yelled ‘PLOT TWIST’ and changed everything up.

I left my entire life behind. Moved my kids and I to live with my new partner. Changed my name, changed the kids names. Estranged myself from everyone I used to know – including my blood relatives.

Recently I told another of the mums at school that I was Miss Priss when I was younger, never raised my voice, just got on with my work in a corner of the classroom. I was a star pupil. She only knows the me I am now, and declared she couldn’t imagine me being like that. She actually looked a little bit shocked! I had to laugh.

You see, I used to feel like this:

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Dead inside, void of all purpose, hunted, slayed, betrayed, crushed by everything and everyone.

Now, I am the goddess, the mumma wolf and I can do this:

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To cross me now is very unwise. I walk with my face bloodied.

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I have some of these:

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And I protect them like this:

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At the end of the day, I am able to do this:

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Because, finally, I have found peace. Letting the wolf out – my ultimate victory.

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